Making You Happy
It often seems that I’m more concerned about your opinion.
We’ll not just yours. Pretty much everybody’s.
I’ve spent about 40 years being consumed with:
- How do others perceive me?
- What will be the reaction if I make a mistake?
- Who would get their feelings hurt if I expressed my opinions?
- What would others feel if I expressed what I truly feel?
- What would Jesus do?
Truth be told, I’ve spent more than I should have worried about the court of public opinion than I have my own personal well-being.
Sacrificing my needs for the sake of others has simply led me to a very unhealthy place.
I’ve been charitable and giving, yet felt no better by it. It’s like an unspoken contract that I created. By giving to the community, my life will improve, right?
Not really. It felt good to do something nice, but it didn’t really fulfill me.
I’ve been the peacemaker and problem solver. By restoring order to the world around me, that should bring me peace, right?
Nope. What it did was make me good at handling everyone else’s woes and leaving no one concerned with mine.
All will be grand as long as I follow the rules and behave, right?
I haven’t ended up in jail, so the rules have some merit. But there are a multitude that keep me pinned up.
I’ve always been the ear and shoulder for others, yet never wanted my emotions to become a burden for others. So much so that my burdens became unbearable.
Does this make me an ass to want to put me first?
What good am I to others if I’m not good to myself first?
I’ve been reading a book called “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Robert Glover.
The moral of the story is:
One thinks that if he doesn’t rock the boat then life will be grand and peaceful.
Basically I’ve let people without moral compass or of genuine heart control me by proxy, hoping against all hopes that being a pacifist will eventually win out.
I’ve come to the determination that I am important. Taking care of me emotionally, mentally and physically is more important.
Putting my needs,my feelings and my wants in priority is a must.
Once I put “me” first, then I’ll find my peace.
What good am I to others if I’m not good to myself first? If I’m not at peace with myself first?
Let my new journey begin.
Sorry if I piss you off. Completely unintentional and I wish no harm.
But it’s time to be myself.